The heart has ways of knowing that the mind can never comprehend.

I haven't posted in a while. I haven't wanted to post anything superficial, and for a while, all my thoughts have been superficial. But not today.

It seems every couple of months all my views on everything change. Yet with every new change I'm sure it's absolutely right. And I think I've finally realized something. I always think I'm right because somewhere inside me, I already know everything. And I mean everything. It's all there inside. Which is why I always feel so secure about my knowledge. Basic Moral Intuition. Which is why I always know if something is right or wrong. I feel the answer. It's in my heart. It just takes some time for my mind to catch up. All the reasoning, all the questioning that I've gone through in the past three years, has really just been trying to find some way to reason out what I already know. And to understand what I know. I don't understand everything, but I know it. Just trying to find the words to describe what I feel. For in feelings there is truth, there is resolution. Thought just makes it usable. The essence is in feeling.

For quite a while I've objected to the thought of a Plan. Of Cosmic Order. Of Fate. Whatever you want to call it. And I've even found comfort in meaninglessness. Comfort in knowing nothing is Meant to happen. I'm not Meant to do anything. In that freedom I've found comfort. So in many ways, I've looked to the opposite of some great big order. Yet, at the same time, I've felt this fundamental connection to all things. Unity. Oneness. Wholeness. And so my mind has always felt conflicted. Because in all my readings, these two concepts have always been seen as conflicting. Everything can be connected if there is no order. You can't have Unity without a Plan. But I think that you CAN have Unity without a Plan. Things can be connected without being ordered. We can all be part of something, without being forced a certain way. We are all a part of something, so essence, but that isn't external from us. It's a part of us. It IS us. We are everything, we are connected, but we aren't Planned. This probably doesn't make sense. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the things that are really important, the big ideas, can never be expressed in words. To me, it's all in a tree. Written in that picture. I can't say it here in words. But somehow, it works. Connection without Order. Wholeness and Meaninglessness. That's what IS. And I like the idea. My hearts saying yes to what my mind is thinking.

How can we become more fully human and at the same time be saved from the fate of being merely human? Where is the Spirit in this God-forsaken, Goddess-forsaken world of modernity? Why are we destroying Gaia in the very attempt to improve our own condition? Why are so many attempts at salvation suicidal? How do we actually fit into this larger Kosmos? How are we whole individuals who are also parts of something Larger?

Can we not star into that vast and stunning Kosmos and respond with something more than oops?

In the Dark and the Deep there are truths that can always heal. It is not the forces of darkness but of shallowness that everywhere threaten the true, and the good, and the beautiful, and that ironically announce themselves as deep and profound. It is an exuberant and fearless shallowness that everywhere is the modern danger, the modern threat, and that everywhere nonetheless calls to us as savior.

We might have lost the Light and the Height; but more frightening, we have lost the Mystery and the Deep, the Emptiness and the Abyss and lost it in a world dedicated to surfaces and shadows, exteriors and shells, whose prophets lovingly exhort us to dive into the shallow end of the pool head first.

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