A blade of blue

And the moon grows dimmer
At the tides low ebb
And your breath comes faster
And you're aching to move
But you're caught in the web...

----------------

Nobody can tell ya
There's only one song worth singing
They may try and sell ya
Cause it hangs them up to see someone like you

But you've gotta
Make your own kind of Music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of Music
Even if no body else sings along

You're gonna be nowhere
The loneliest kind of lonely
It may be rough going
Just to do your thing's the hardest thing to do

Make your own kind of Music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of Music
Even if no body else sings along

So if you cannot take my hand
And if you must be going
I will understand

You've gotta
Make your own kind of Music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of Music
Even if no body else sings along

----------------

My foundations
are in the universe
my spirit is universal
despite all pressures against me
to choose sides
black or white
man or woman
gay or straight
I am still a child
and an old woman
my blood is red
my choice is not to choose
I cannot choice
I am the exception to the rule of choice
I am one and all without exception
I defy the rules
I am me.

----------------

Sweet little cherry blossom,
blooming before her time
Moving her lips to her favorite song,
cherishing every rhyme
Swaying her hips to the rhythm,
humming along with the tune
Lost in her own little dream world
Slow dancing with the moon

Watching her I cannot help,
but go back in my mind
And suddenly I find I am 15 again

Slow dancing with the moon
Oh, the stars got in my eyes long time ago
And I've lived my life like a love sick clown
In a bittersweet cartoon
Just a dreamy eyed kid
Slow dancing with the moon

Watching the girl I'm reminded
she's quite a lot like me
Trapped in the suburbs of wonderland,
lost in her own fantasy
Somehow my heart never grew up,
no one ever burst my balloon
So here I am swirling in star dust,
slow dancing with the moon

Still believe some day my wildest dreams
will all come true
And I'll find someone who'll
make me 15 again
But until then I'm
Slow dancing with the moon
Oh, the stars got in my eyes long time ago
And I've lived my life like a love sick clown
In a bittersweet cartoon
Just a dreamy eyed kid
Slow dancing with the moon

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

It's weird that I'm so happy. I've never really been like this. I mean I've been happy before, don't get me wrong. But I've never been really really happy. Like deep down type happy. I mean even at the happiest times in my life, I've always been insecure. I've always been afraid of something, been upset by something. Because that's the natural course of life. Rarely is someone happy about everything. Yet recently, it's as though nothing can bother me. My self-confidence has been boosted like crazy. I've boosted by own self-respect. I've stopped putting myself down so much (at least to myself, in a serious manner). I've worked through a lot of things that have really been bothering me this past year. I've figured it all out, found my answer.

So I'm going to stop. Stop being destructive to myself. It's become a habit for me recently. To hurt myself in one way or another. Always for "good" reasons. To help someone else. To make myself better. But really, I shouldn't of been doing such things. Like, since this year started, I've been trying to loose weight, and prolly in not the healthiest way. I'm going to stop doing that. It's not worth it. I'm going to be healthy again, to stop being so destructive to myself.

Because I am happy. I don't need to change myself, for myself or for those around me. I like me as I am, I like my situation as it is. That's something I've never really said before. So from now on, hopefully, you'll see a happier me. At least in all the important ways. Deep inside, I'm happy.

brynnlee let the night fall at 1:28 AM

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