I just read this awesome article on what is here. Located here.

It's an interesting idea of what makes something exist. Is there really this true reality out there somewhere, waiting to be discovered. What the hell does it matter what's really there. Isn't Truth more important than what affects our lives, what moves society. I have said for quite a while that God doesn't exist. And I've had that superior feeling time and time again that I know something everyone else is too blind to see. I've felt contempt and pity for those poor fools that still think there is a God.

But it doesn't make one damn difference.

There is a God in that God gives people support everyday. God has started wars. God has ended wars. God has helped people and harmed people. So how can he not exist? Even if he only exists in the minds of tons of misguided fools. Doesn't that make him real as well? Not real in the sense of Truth. But real in the sense of what matters. He's there and he changes things everyday for billions of people.

So what does make something real? A foundational belief of my life is that there was a Truth out there, a real reality, and that I was searching to uncovered exactly what it was. But does it really matter at all? Is all life a fantasy? For someone so obsessed with finding Reality, I find it interested that I'm so obsessed with fantasy, it covers my walls and my bookshelves, it takes all my time. Maybe fantasy is the way things should be. What makes Athens more real than Atlantis? That we have evidence? So what. Atlantis is a much more inspiring place, it has had tons of influence on the minds of the young. Doesn't that make it real. It has stories. It has a history. It has changed the world. Doesn't that make it more than a fancy? Or maybe we should make fancies realities.

It's about time I stopped looking for Reality, and starting looking at what matters. What changes the world. What changes society. What changes me. That, not some mysterious truth that doesn't do jack shit, is what really matters.

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Spring Break! Wow... just wow.

So it's somewhat depressing to be back at Webb. I'm avoiding doing my calculus homework. I'm avoiding cleaning. I'm avoiding talking to everyone else at Webb so that I can pretend that I'm not back here. I just wish this week didn't have to end.

There's so much I want to write right now. Yet I can't. So much in my mind I can't get out. Eh.

I suppose I should be happy to be back at Webb. It's weird to say this, but for me it is coming home. I have no other home besides Webb really. It'll be nice to sleep in my own bed. It's amazing how comfortable familiarity is. I start to like things just because they are what I am used to. Which I suppose is the flip side of fearing change to much. I wish nothing had to change.

Bleh, I'm rambling. I suppose that's what this thing is for. But I just can't get my thoughts out tonight. There's too much going on. I don't know where to begin.

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This is a paper I wrote for my political philosophy class. I actually enjoyed writting it and like it, so I'm posting it here.

Reason versus Faith. That's the eternal battle mankind faces. It’s a battle that, if history is any clue, will never end. Is it a sin to doubt our God (or gods, or Goddess, whichever is your preference), a sign of a lack of faith, or is it a sign of philosophical inquiry that leads one on the path to Truth? Should our moral and ethical codes be based on the dictates of a divine being, or on a rational path to a good life? These are the questions that have plagued humanity for ages. These are the questions that have been at the root of countless wars, and countless debates. It is precisely these questions that can explain the conflict between the Greek and Hebraic cultures. Hebraic wisdom is faith-based wisdom, coming directly from the Word of God. Greek wisdom is a scientific wisdom, the first truly secular wisdom.

Believe not because some old manuscripts are produced, believe not because it is your national belief, believe not because you have been made to believe from your childhood, but reason truth out, and after you have analyzed it, then if you find it will do good to one and all, believe it, live up to it, and help others live up to it.

Buddha said it well. The sentiment he expressed closely resembles that of the Greeks. In Greek culture, reason was praised. Education wasn’t about reading old books, memorizing rules set down in them. Education was about learning how to think, not what to think. Greeks taught each other how to figure out the world, to discover truth (or to discover whether there even is Truth). They were able to open the world up to philosophy and science precisely because of their lack of faith, and dependence on reason. Unlike the Hebrews, they didn’t have a written code of behavior that they must follow, or be punished for all eternity. The Greeks also didn’t have a separate class of priests, which allowed more people access to spiritual literature, which naturally leads to more questioning of that literature. Because of these vital differences in the religious framework of the Greeks and the Jews, the Greeks were able to question religion, which lead to secularism. Greek society was very open to agnostic and atheistic views, shown by the famous playwright Critias, who, in his plays, claimed gods were a creation of man to control the mob. This would never have been allowed in Hebraic society, which was very closed-minded when it came to religious deviance.

Because of their different views of religion, the values that governed the Hellenic and Hebraic societies are very different. The Hebrews are largely a guilt-based society, while the Greeks are an honor-based society. The Hebrews were guilt bound because they were told to follow a set of rules, and would face a final judgment day were God would decide whether they followed those rules enough to warrant entrance into Heaven. The Greeks, however, had no set of rules, and no fear of judgment after death, as they all ended up in Hades. The implications of this difference in governing values can be seen most clearly in how each society views taking the life of another human being. The Hebrews would view this as a sin, because it was laid out in the 10 commandments that “Thou shall not kill.” (Though how this works with all the wars they participated in, I still don’t understand). The Greeks, however, viewed killing and necessary and even right in certain circumstances. If a Greeks honor has been offended, he (usually not she) is expected to get revenge, and this usually ended in killing the person who offended you. This was not seen as wrong, or immoral, because honor, not morals, was valued above all else by the Greeks.

The differences between the two societies go on and on, but almost every difference stems from the debate between Reason and Faith. But this isn’t a conflict that only affected these two societies. The debate continues even into current times. Our modern society, with all its philosophical and technological advancement, still goes back and forth on this issue. Questions of whether we should teach Creationism or Evolution in our schools, of whether abortion should be legalized, of whether a biblical definition of marriage is a correct definition, all are questions of reason versus faith. The only difference in this modern day is that these questions exist within a single society, not between two different societies.

Plato was aware of this essential conflict, and through his work tried to bridge the gap between the Hebraic and Hellenistic cultures. In the Myth of Er, Plato was telling people to shape up, to be good, or else they’d be judged unworthy and punished in the afterlife. This is very reminiscent of the view of judgment and punishment held by the Hebrews. Yet, when Plato’s tells people how to shape up, he shows the Hellenistic influence on his work. Plato advocates reason as the path to discover what the good life is. In this way, he blends the two beliefs. Use reason to find out what is right, but do it based on faith. This blend is indeed very similar to the attempt modern Christianity makes at merging reason and faith (or claim it does).

Personally, I don’t understand what all the debate is about. I don’t understand why, with all the knowledge we have, all the learning we, as a society, have done, people still think faith is necessary. I respect faith, but doubt, questioning, reasoning, that’s what educates us, what opens up new worlds of thought. I’ve never understood the idea that I should do something because I’ve been told to, because some old book says to. If it doesn’t make sense why do it? But, I suppose that’s why the debate will never be resolved. I believe it’s next to impossible for people with opposing views on this issue to understand each other. Most religious people I’ve meet don’t understand how I couldn’t have faith in God. They don’t get me, I don’t get them. But without understanding, no resolution can occur. Without understanding, Truth can’t be found. Maybe that’s why this debate has gone on for so long, and will continue for many more ages to come.

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Today is a good day. It's been a while since I've just had a really good day. A beautiful day. It was so nice outside. Sunny and warm and just right. I almost forgot how much I love just walking through the woods. I think I could spend all day walking through Welwyn. Or sitting down at the beach. I discovered a new place to sit down there. On the rocks. Where you can just sit and listen to the waves. I love that sound so much. I went down there twice today. Also discovered it's a very good place to read and to watch the sunset. Damn, I'm so lucky. Very few people get the chance to see a sunset like the one I can see.

Oh, it's so nice to just have a good day. A good environment. Good conversation. Good thinking. Good reading. Just in general good. And no bad at all, it's great. At some point I'll have to write down all the thoughts I've been having recently. Mainly dealing with the flaws of democracy. It's a scary thing when I'm questioning democracy, and the very concept of freedom. It's like questioning my own foundations, that I thought were stronger than anything else. I'm still just so damn unsure about it all. It's good questioning though. Very good. And I never realized how hard it was to answer the simple question, What is Freedom? It's very hard. Very complex. Eh, I've got so many thoughts on this I can't think straight. But today's been a good day for thoughts. I'm glad I've starting thinking about things again. I don't like being in a state of constant beliefs. I love it when I think so much that my beliefs are constantly changing and evolving. Because growth, that's almost as important as truth. And Truth isn't static. Evolution is always necessary to find and keep Truth. So I'm working on that evolution again. And am pretty damn happy about it.

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Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.
-Cree Indian Prophecy

People forget about how wonderous Nature is. Everytime I'm outside I'm amazed by something. Have you ever just sat and listened to natural life. It's beautiful. More amazing than any music man has ever written. Ever changing. Full of energy. Of love, of pain, of sorrow. Everything we write about, everything we dream about, it's all there, if we'd just bother to listen. My new obsession is the sound of the waves hitting the shore. Not a sound I ever really heard before coming to Webb. I can't get enough of it now. I walk down to the beach all the time just to here it. On some nights, some quite nights, I can here it from outside Montley. Those are the nights I can be found with a strangely content look on my face. Something about that sound, just seems so right, makes me feel so right, so safe, so welcome. I know it doesn't make sense. But it's all there in nature. I'm just so glad I've learned to listen.

And, oh, the wonders that are laid before our eyes everyday if we'd only look. I forget a lot what a beautiful place I live in. I sit here and complain about how I miss the beauty of Georgia, but really I just need to realize that there is beauty here, Beauty, just different then that of Georgia. No, I can't smell the pines anymore. No, I can walk to the top of the hill and see only green tree tops. There's no muddy Chattahoochee to lap my feet in. Instead there is Welwyn. There is each solitary, majestic tree on campus, and the water! God, the water! Its so beautiful when you just learn to look. Learn to see. Have you ever just looked, and I mean really looked, at a leaf? See the detail, the intricacy, that no human being could ever replicate, or even dream of. The answer to everything, all those unanswerable questions, is there, in the veins of a leaf. If we could only learn the key, figure out how to decifer it. Though for now, I'm happy just being amazed with all I see around me. I hope I never stop being amazed.

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Talk about a hard fucking week. A trip to this hospital in an ambulence. A day spent sleeping/crying. Two tests. Endless loads of homework, most left incomplete. And it's only Wendsday. Why do I do such things to myself? Bleh, enough of this self-doubt, self-hate, and self-pity. I'm just too sick of it. I'm going to get everything back in order again. I'm going to start loving myself again. Cause I can't keep on going as I have been. I can't keep on hating myself, and trying to change everything I've ever done and been. So from now on, hopefully, I won't be bitching about how terrible my shit smells anymore. None of that.

So, to start with the positive outlook thingy, I've got the best damn guy beside me anyone could ever ask for. Someone who not only puts up with all the shit I've pulled this week, but also helps me through it. Couldn't ask for more. Thank you. And, as I always say, because music says so much more than words possibly can, I end with some lyrics for you.

If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do
I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's where you found me
When you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time

Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest
I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you
And how you needed me too
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been hoping too hard
But I've gone this far
And it's more than I hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself
Hold on to your heart
Now I know the woman that you are
You're wonderful so far
And it's more than I hoped for

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

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God fucking damn it. How does he make me do it. How does he make me say and feel things I thought were saftely locked up inside of me. How does me make me say things I didn't even know I felt. I had kept them so hidden I forgot I was hiding them. God damn it. I hate this part of me. I wish I could go back to my high school self where I knew how to turn off caring. I knew how to say no, I will not feel this way. No, I will not be sad. I wish I was still able to do that. It's so much better to not care at all then to let all the pain in. At least I wish I could still keep it hidden. Keep it from coming to the surface, coming out. I wish I could forget about my past. Forget about everything that I gave up. Forget everything that I was. I thought moving away did that. I thought getting out of that damn state would make all these memories go away. I should of known it was a fools errand. I am hopelessly and endlessly tied to my past. I can't get away no matter how hard I try. I can't get away from all the fear, the anger, the pain. But worse, I can't get away from all the joy I know I once had. I loved, just loved, so much. And I gave it all away for a god damn fucking whim. A fucking whim that is now failing miserably. Mainly because I'm giving up. Story of my life: giving up. I do a real good job of giving up. God fucking damn it. How does he make me feel these things. How does he get in where even I can't get.

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Coffee and Cigarettes.

That's the sum total of my life right now.

From my breast pocket, draw out a small box, tap out a cigarette. A snap, a crackle, a spark, and the tip of the cigarette lights. The tiny glow of light in the cold city street. The tiny warmth, before the coldness of reality. I take a long drag and look at the newest victim, destined to become a file number. Exhale slowly and watch the smoke rising up into the city.

Until death, life is just a series of moments.

A series of moments. Feel the burn in your throat. Heat. Energy. Coffee and cigarettes. Books and Thoughts. Fantasy and Theory. People and Birds. Watching and Waiting. I don't know what I'm saying. Don't know what I'm thinking. I wish things could be black and white. I wish everything wasn't so complicated. I wish I could step out of my life of watching others. That's what I do. I sit, and drink my coffee, and watch them. I love watching people. I love seeing them do all the little things that make up life. How a young couple tries to always touch each other. How and old couple seems to move as one. No awkward fumblings. Perfect Harmony. As some people shy away from bright sunlight, and others seem to embrace it. How truly helpful people are. If someone drops a book, a pen, anything, there is always someone helping them to pick it up. I love to see how some people smile when they get eye contact with a stranger, and others look away in shame. What is shameful about having your eyes connect with another? I love watching someone reading, deep in though, it's as though you can see what they are thinking. Or rather, how they are thinking. I don't know. There is something special about people. Sometimes I wish I wasn't doing the watching though. Sometimes I wish I could get my act together and be the one doing the living, the one worth watching.

I was watching the birds today out on the field. God, it's beautiful and sad to watch their movements. It's amazing how they all instantly, and I mean instantly get up and move together, each moving the exact same distance as the one next to them, in the exact same direction. It's amazing how harmonious it all looks. And there is no leader saying "Go here, Go there, Stop, Start". It's all done as a collective. It's amazing the harmony simply birds can possess. Which just furthers my belief that there is something connecting them all. Connecting all of us actually. But I won't get into that right yet. Wouldn't it be wonderful though if we humans payed enough attention to each other, feeling each, that we could learn to move in such concord? Wouldn't that that be capital B Beauty? But the amazing thing with the birds is even though they all move together, there are still those one or two birds that go their own way, yet are still with the group. I saw one that flew into the trees while all the others stayed on the field. It separated itself. Went its own way. Found its own most comfortable perch. Yet it was still with the group. Still a part of the whole somehow. That would be true Beauty, if humans could do such a thing. Allow those who wish to go their own way, yet still have them as part of the whole. Just fucking beautiful.

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.
Confucius

We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are all noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.
Keating, Dead Poet's Society

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Well, the Pope died. I'm suprised that I care. I didn't think that I would. I probably wouldn't of noticed that the Pope ever existed except for the fact that he died. But, considering how much religion has been on my mind recently, I guess it's not that suprising. And even I, a spritiual Atheist, will admit that the Pope's death is a tragedy. Not because some great messager from God has died, but because a person millions of people looked up to for support has died. Much the same as when John Lennon died. Wow, I can't even think of another modern day example. It is a sad thing that there is not a single person alive right now that means enough to everyone that their death would shake the world? It's a very sad thing. Yet I cannot think of a single person. I wish there were a Beatles of today. The Who. Someone or something on that scale. It's sad that we have no such cultural icon. Maybe we just don't require one. In this age of politics, people seem to of forgotten the importance of idols. Ahh, idols isn't the right term, but I can't think of another. We've forgotten the importants of the arts, as more than simple entertainment. We've forgotten that politics simply lets us live our life, it's isn't our life. Why do I think this? Because go into any bookstore, and you know the two authors that will be stuck in your face the moment you enter until the moment you leave: Michael Moore and Ann Coulter. God fucking close-minded assholes. I hate both of them so much. They throw facts out the window, misinterpret and misquote everything to make their point. I'm just so sick of the hatred that exists in politics today. It should be this way. People shouldn't hate each other over a difference of beliefs. People shouldn't judge each others character based on their political agenda. It drives me fucking crazy. Especially because, being the wonderous hypocrite that I am, I do the exact same thing. Politics has the possibility of being a wonderful tool. An amazing thing where each and every citizen can change this country we live in (though whether that's good or not i'm starting to doubt. damn Plato, i read too much). But what have we made politics? A slaughtering ground. A place for one person to bash the other to no end. To bring up everything they've ever done wrong and throw it in their face. Is that what was mean when we created this country? Wasn't politics suppose to be a fight for Justice? Man, I don't know what I'm saying. I know I hate what we have now, what we've done to this nation, but I have no clue what would be better.

Hah, and this was meant to be a post on religion. Whoops.

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