Life's weird at the moment. It's been a year. I miss her. I should be sadder than I am. I feel horrible living a happy life right now, being happy without her here. But I am happy. I think I'm seriously going crazy though. I had another episode. I feel like I'm constantly controlling myself, that I'm going to snap any minute now, completely losing it. I thought I got over this last semester. I think it's because it's been a year. I year since I lost part of my soul. God, how I miss her. Memories. Episodes. Love. Fear. That's my life right now. I can never stop thinking, stop feeling, even for a moment. I wish I could just turn my head off for a time. I have so many thoughts abounding in my mind I don't know what to do with them. It doesn't help that I keep reading more, getting intrigued by more things, more people, studying more. Gender, Religion, Philosophy. Michelle. Michael. Beauty, Oneness. So many words, so many thoughts. Language is too limiting. Love makes me weak. Loss rips at my heart.

Trees are so damn beautiful. Beautiful. Any concept about any part of life can be shown in a tree. I love how it branches off. You start with a trunk, and that one center splits and splits and splits and splits. Smaller and smaller branches, diverging, each taking a different path. Yet each is the same. There really is no difference. It is the diverging nature of the branches and twigs that cause the tree to reach out in all directions, to seem to embrace the world around it. A lone trunk can't do such things. A single trunk sees only that directly in front of it. Multiple viewpoints of each separate branch are necessary to see the whole picture. Each branch sees something different, but that doesn't make some right and some wrong. Everyone in the world sees something different than everyone else. Yet it is the united picture of what we all see that forms reality. We are all right, even though we are all different. Yet we are all also the same, just a different part of the same tree, all coming from the same trunk. God damn, I love trees so much. It's also interesting to see that a single trunk has multiple roots. Many things come together, merging, forming the common basis of a tree, of mankind.

Language is limiting. It's simply a human construct, that we created with it's failings and all. And as we created it, we change it over time. I've never realized that as much as I do now. There are so many thoughts in my head that I just can't express. I try so hard to put them into words and fail completely. Even when I succeed in putting a small piece of my thoughts into words, they are misinterpreted by others. The limited nature of our language is responsible for so much misunderstanding of people. If every time we opened our mouth, the people listening truly understood what we meant, there would me so much less friction, dissent, whatever you want to call it in the world. There would be less hate. With understanding, it is impossible to hate. Because there are no truly evil people in the world. If we could understand everyone around us, we'd realize that while they may do horrible things, unforgivable things, there is still goodness in them. They are simply misdirected, misinformed. But our language doesn't allow us that type of understanding. Why else would so many people turn to art, to music, to other forms of expression. There is something expressed in music that language can never capture. There is something similar in artwork. I can feel so much pain, so much despair from looking at a picture. It is able to express everything our words can not explain. It captures feeling. I don't know. I can't explain. My point exactly.

Thinking that you know the "Whole Truth" keeps you from learning anything more; hence you stagnate; hence you die. But knowing that every truth is merely a metaphor, merely a tool, leaves you free to learn and to grow, by setting aside old metaphors as you learn or evolve better ones.
-Aidan Kelly

Traditions are merely roots and roots are only one part of the whole tree.
-Morning Glory Zell

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