The dichotomies are absolutely
either/or
right/left
light/dark
male/female
masculine/feminine
hetero/homo
white/of color
upper class/working class
middle class/homeless
young/old
able-bodied/differently abled.

No room
for all points
in between

No room
for the perfect
Kinsey 2,3,4,5

for
both/and
middle ground
dawn/dusk
transsexual
transvestite
bisexual
mixed race/culture/class
middle age
temporarily abled/hidden disability

absolutely
no room
for all points in between.

But reality is not
this or that
it is
all of this
and
all of that

and
they meet/merge/mingle
in between.

-----------------

I love that. It sums up so many of my feelings. So many dichotomies, so many categories, so many boxes. Sometimes I wish I could express what I'm thinking as well as other people do. Anyway, I've been reading a lot, and I mean a lot, about gender identity and sexual identity, and I'm really amazed at everything I've seen. All our identities (and I mean all of them) are so fluid, so dynamic. I know I'm repeating what I've already posted, but I just can't get this idea off my head. I think it's because however much I hate the dichotomies that society has created, they are embedded deep inside my bones, and I don't know if I'll ever get rid of them. Finding a label that fits you gives you a sense of community. Of culture. Of approval. After all, if something doesn't even have a name, how can it be right? natural? It feels very safe, secure, when you can label yourself. Even though I hate what labels do to people, I don't think I'll ever get rid of the secret desire I have to label myself. It's why I constantly think about categories. About identities. About belief systems. I'll never stop thinking about them until I can find a box for myself, or truly accept being alone in who I am. I'm afraid because there is no one like me. It was so much easier being a good little Mormon girl, who followed all the rules, fit all the roles placed upon me. That was an easy life. I knew exactly what I was suppose to do. I knew exactly how other people would react to me. I knew exactly what I believed. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that life. But I know it was a lie. However comfortable, however safe, it was a lie. And I refuse to live a lie. I refuse to claim some label just becuase it makes me comfortable. And no label will every truly, fully, apply. I live in the world of in between. I am all of this all of that. I am and/or/both/more.

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