Are we happier now that we have scientific knowledge?

"Philosophy divorced itself from science when it inquired which knowledge of the world and life could help man to live most happily. This occurred in the Socratic schools: out of a concern for happiness man tied off the veins of scientific investigation -- and does so still today." Nietzsche, Human, all too Human.

In today's world, everything in seeped in science. Science that no one understands. Science is so separated, no one understands the science that gets them through they day, let alone the science that promises to improve their future. Yet those who prise science over happiness, claim that it makes the joy we do have genuine. How can something too complicated for any one person to understand it all make us feel genuine? Are our more evolved lives happier? Do our computers, our TVs, our cellphones, make us feel more honest? Do they bring true joy into our lives?

Knowledge allows us to progress. It stops hypocrites, bigots, and more. It saves lives, catches criminals, and expose people to more of the world then they could ever hope to discover without it. But are we happier? As a nation? As a species?

I don't know my next door neighbor. My closest friend is over 20 miles away. Or one computer screen away. We have no way to meet people we don't choose to meet anymore. We socialize with those who are just like us, who agree with us, who go to the same clubs, same schools, or same websites as us. We claim to be exposed to the whole world, but we isolate our social lives to a single group of similar people, and isolate ourselves from those who might expand our horizons.

And this is the genuine life science brings us.

Heck if I know.

{-+-}

Why is there so much hate? Why? And why do people insist on joking at the expense of others? I'm so tired of it all. So tired. I'm sick of crying over it, and I'm sick of other people laughing over it. That laughter is more damaging than anything else. And still, I fail, because I can only react with anger. I know anger isn't the solution. I know it won't work. Yet that's the reaction I have. However much I try otherwise. I've been trying to hard to get rid of all this anger I have. To replace it with empathy and compassion, understanding and remorse. Yet I'm still failing. I know I've gotten better, yet everytime someone says anything, makes the slightest chuckle out of place, I get so mad. Because it does make me mad, all this crap that goes on in this world, that we allow. I need to get over that. But it makes me so sad.

{-+-}

I'm reading this book, called the Greco-Persian Wars, and I don't think I've been so moved by a book in quite a while. I just read about the Battle of Marathon. There was nothing special about this books depiction of the battle. Fairly technical, not overly romanticized. And I've heard the story of that battle so many times before, without ever really being moved. But for some reason, reading it this time, knowing all the background, knowing the people involved, just made it so much more.

No matter how realistic you are, no matter how cynical you look at history, no one can deny the honor of that battle, the glory of it. This was a particularly moving passage for me: "The men of Marathon, the heavily-armed soliders who had saved Athens, alone and unaided except for one Plataean contingent, were all property-owning landowners or farmers." Think on that. The Athenian troops one because they were more highly trained. More skillfull than the mercenaries bought by the Persians. The FARMERS are more highly trained in battle than SOLIDERS whose sole job is to fight in wars. That's pretty sad. Honorable, but sad. Honorable because farmers were willing to fight to save their freedom. So many in Athens wanted to give over and accept Persian rule. So many other Greeks had done so already. Athens and Sparta were the only two places left that hadn't bowed down to Persian rule. Farmer's answered the call to fight. People like you and me. People who just wanted to support their family. To make sure there was food on the table. To send their kids to school. Regular people. And they risked everything, everything, to send the Persians back home. Yet how sad is it that they had to do that? That they had been trained to do that? That every man in Athens and Attica knew the art of the sword. How sad, that such things were necessary. No, this was no utopia. This was no wonderful world. This was farmers forced to fight, and not suprised by it. This was an age when warfare was an everyday thing, and the only change was who you considered your enemy. Quite a sad thing.

6400 Persians slaughtered by the Marshes. 192 Husbands and Fathers and Sons that didn't come home. 24 Mile March. Persian ships retreating.

For once, I think I got it. I think I understand.

Very few things move me this much. The creation of Narnia. The battle of Helms Deep. John Galt's speech. And now, the battle of Marathon.

{-+-}

I had a werid moment last night, where it seemed like everything was done with and I didn't know what to do with myself. I usually am so busy, doing so many different things, and it seems I've forgotten how to just be. I can't remember the last time I didn't have something that needed to be done, whether it was a phone call to make, work to do, an email to send, or a book to read. Or of course, driving around on weekends seeing friends, doing something every moment. I used to spend so much time on my own, just pondering different things. And I actually liked doing that quite a lot. It seemed worthwhile in a way. And when I would be around other people, conversations were meaninful.

Somehow I feel I've lost that. I'm surround by people all the time now. I can't even count the amount of friends I have, friends closer than any I've ever had before. Yet I've forgotten how to just be me like I used to. I can't fully express what I'm trying to say, it's not one of those things that lends it to words, but it's there. And it struck me last night. I was walking around campus, looking at everyone rushing past, with purpose in their stride. Everyone off to do something, yet I couldn't help but be struck with the mundanity of it all. After all, how important is all the crap that we do on a daily basis? What's the worth? So much of it just seems like it's something we do to pass all the time. Yet it also seems there is never enough time. Who knows.

Things are different than they used to be. I rarely go down to the rocks and just relax anymore. I rarely just sit in the trees. I rarely remember how wonderous this place we live in is. Now when I hear the birds it's simply a sign I've been up too long, not a beautiful song like it used to be. I just see things differently now. And I'm not too happy about it. But I don't know how to go back to where I was. I don't even know where I am.

{-+-}

Ahhh.... biking in the rain. How relaxing was that. I was hot and cold all at the same time. My mind was free to roam. My body was working. It just felt so freeing, like nothing else.

{-+-}

I've starting working out recently. Slowly but surely anyway. It seems every few months I tell myself I'm gonna get back in shape, but I push myself too hard initially, and it falls apart. So I'm trying real hard not to do that this time around. I've gone out biking for the past 4 days, run once, and have done my sit ups at night for the last week. All of which I'm fairly proud of. Though none of it has pushed me too hard, it has pushed me, and consisitantly, so I think this could last. I forgot how much I love biking. Having the wind push back at you, hearing it as it goes by, getting the chills and being hot all at the same time. Seeing things you normally see so slowing swirling past you. And the rush of it all. The pain in your legs, while going up that long slowly inclining road. The rush of going down that big hill. The thrill of turning quickly down slope after slope. The pain of going back up. But such a good pain, a pain I haven't felt in so long. The pain that you knows is what you were going out there for. I'm thinking of going out again tonight; the last ride wasn't long enough for me, but Dan was ready to come back, so we did. I prefer going out alone anyway. Seeing the world rush by you, feeling that you are still and everything else is flying by. Nothing else compares to that. I'm so glad I've started riding again, god how I missed it. It's completely different than anything else. Faster than walking or running, so that things seem animate. But slower than a car, so they don't pass by so quickly that you can't take them in. Man, what a sensation.

{-+-}

I was asked something the other day that really shook me. I've always had somewhat of a contempt for faith, and while that's not something I'm proud of, it is something I hold onto for dear life sometimes. I don't have faith, and I don't want faith. Yet at the same time I've always believed that every human has an inherent knowledge of right and wrong. That we can see something and no matter what we've been told simply know it is wrong. That morals aren't dependant upon culture or religion, but something inherent in us all. I've seen so much evidence for this it's hard to doubt. I've seen the evidence in myself. Yet isn't this faith? To know what is right and wrong without reason. To have some type of absolute knowledge that isn't made on evidence, or logic, or anything except what we feel. That's what someone asked me. It terrified me. I really don't like the idea of faith, maybe that's me being childish I don't know, but it shook me. I'm still not sure if it is faith. The other reasons I'm come up with is that it is inherent knowledge, where faith is something you choose to believe in. I suppose. But that's not exactly right, I can't find the right words. Isn't it amazing that such a simple question can really shake your world. The world I'd created that was so safe for me, so familiar and so comfortable.

{-+-}

I'm wonder more and more what I'm doing at Webb. I love the school. I love how small it is. I love that I know everyone. I love the campus. I love the honor here, even if it's hidden at first. I love knowing the teachers... I love everything about the school. But that's exactly what makes this so hard. I don't love the major. If I could change majors at this school I'd be in heaven. But what am I doing with an engineering major? I'm not an engineer, I never will be. It isn't something I'm passionate about. This is hard to think of, because I love the school, and it's easy in a way. Not that the classes are easy really, but it's all stuff I can do. It's only challanging initially. But there are answers to every problem given to you. There are known solutions. Like all engineering, there is no real challange.

I don't want to be a naval architect. I never have. Even at the best of times at Webb, I always admitted to myself that being a NA would be a short term thing, 5 years max, and then I'd teach. I've known for years and years that I want to teach. Well I'm finally asking myself, why? Why do I want to teach. It's not so I can show some high schoolers what an integral is. It's not so I can show some high schoolers how forces act upon an object. It's so maybe I can do some good in this world, maybe I can help somone, reach that one person no one else could. I want to give back what my teachers gave to me. I don't want to teach kids facts, I want to teach them how to learn. How to ask the criticial questions it's so easy to ignore. To look beyond the texts and the tests, and see what lies at the heart of our thoughts. How is a degree in Naval Architecture going to get me there? How will it help in that pursuit?

Why should I continue on in a degree that I'm not passionate about? I can list tons of reasons. I'm here already, and I don't want to give up again, I do that too often. I don't know where else to go. This is a practical path that could get me on my feet financially. I love this school, everything about it, except the major. I have a full tuition scholarship. I have people that care about me here. I have people I care about here. And, mostly, it makes my parents happy that I am here.

But are those the responsible reasons to stay somewhere? I'm not talking about giving up because it got tough. That's what I did at UGA. That's what I wanted to do last semester. That's not what I want to do now. I don't want to give up. I want to follow through on a decision I made. I want to finish, to complete. But is that the responsible thing? Is it the right thing? Why should I sit here learning about things I'm not passionate about, and let myself fall down a path that will be impossible to break.

I'm terrified. I'm terrified of becoming one of those people who goes "if only". If only I had done what I loved. I'm good at engineering. It's comfortable. I could do it and be happy. I could be stable and I could be happy. But I'd always ask "what if". I'm terrified I'll break my own 5 year limit, and never teach. I'm terrified I'll become a 9-5 worker, who dreads going to work but does it because they need the money. I'm terrified of it all becoming mundane. I want to live passionately. I don't want to give up one moment of my life. I want every moment to be about something I love...something I care about. Is that so wrong?

{-+-}

I was out watching the sunset last night, and emotion seemed to overwhelm me. It was so beautiful, so see the sun go down over the water. The last rays of sunlight striking the waves, creating such gorgeous patterns. You could hear the waves lapping up against the rocks, and in the distance you could hear the kids playing at the beach. There were two flocks of bird that kept passing by, one black and one white. The contrast was gorgeous at that time. Seeing the birds fly across the sun over the water, seeing the sun light up the clouds differently that it does at any other time. The clouds we lighted from beneath, the light shone up through them. The birds were flying in their precise patterns, that still amazes me. And the waves, oh my. They were so choppy, so small, so violent. They seemed so passionate. Something about it just got to me.

And for once, while being surrounded by nature, overcome by nature, I still felt something missing. I felt lonely, which has never happened before. I'm normally so home when I'm outside, I feel complete. Yet I didn't this time. I wanted someone else to see it with me. I wanted to share it. That feeling was pretty overwhelming as well. I don't know whether that makes me happy or sad. But it was there, big time.

{-+-}

WHY won't people just love themselves??? Why is it so hard to be happy with who you are? Why do people have to be so insecure and unconfident? I can't stand it. I can't stand that we live in a world where people don't love themselves. I recently discovered the greatest thing ever was to realize I was happy with myself. That I was happy with every bit of myself. I so wish others could feel that. I so wish I could give it to them. But I can't. They have to find it for themselves. And I can't even show them the way. I get so frustrated with their inability to love themselves that I just make it worse. And that pisses me off. I wish so much I could just show them how to love themselves. Because it is only after they love themselves that they will let me love them. That they will be able to accept that love.

This world would be such a better place if people just loved themselves. I do not believe that anger would really be possible. What reason would there be to be angry? Because anger stems from insecurity or injustice. There would be no insecurity. And what reason would there be for injustice? People wouldn't need to put others down to rise themselves up. Because if everyone loved themselves... they could rise up on their own. Flourish without hurting others.

Do people not see this? To me it is clear as day.

Love yourself. Love others. Nothing bad can come of that.

{-+-}

I should of been born a couple hundred years ago. At least with the fashion of a hundred years ago... and the life style. Though I wouldn't mind having computers and internet along with Renissance lifestyle. Is it weird that I actually like that time so much better? Is it weird that I wish people still had large families that stayed toghther, no TV, did work, and just, I don't know, acted differently. I'm sure I've romanticized the past, and it's full of all the same problems we have today. But damn, wouldn't it be nice if it was actually the way I see it in my head. That would just be amazing.

{-+-}

I've been having a lot of discussions/debates lately that I've gotten very emotional in. This isn't really usual for me. I'm usually one to stay pretty cold during a debate, because it's easier for people to listen to what I'm saying that way. Instead of just seeing that I'm saying something and dismissing me. But lately, I've definitely been emotional in such debates, and I've purposely used emotion in discussions to try and sway people. This is very unusual for me. But one thing I have realized, all of these debates have revolved around gay rights. In whatever form. With everyone I've talked to about how I'm arguing now, they think it's a negative thing. They seem to think I'm losing my ability to effectively debate, because I've started using emotion. But I'm slowly realizing that they may be mistaken. After all, if you can you emotion to sway another person, why wouldn't you?

I guess it all comes down to why you are debating something. If you are debating as an intellectual pursuit, to try to learn more about both sides, and about the subject material, then maybe emotion is counterproductive. But when I debate gay right at this point in time, that's not why. I'm not doing it to educate myself, and I've gotten to the point where I'm not doing it to educate others, at least not directly. I'm doing it to make people realize the harm they are doing. I'm doing it in an attempt to cause change in the world. To get something done. Maybe that makes me low, maybe that makes me scheming. But I don't care what it makes of my character, it's more important to me that I work as hard as I can for change. Even if it means I lose some bit of my integrity.

But if you are working for change, shouldn't you use whatever tools you have? Cold logic can be a very effective tool for some people. I used it to learn the reasons (or justifications) the other side of the gay rights debate had. I used it to convince a lot of people that maybe there was more to the issue than they originally thought. But when it comes down to it, no matter how many facts you put in front of some people's face, no matter how clear cut you make the issue, certain people just won't listen. They refuse to hear your arguments. Does that mean we should just give up on them changing their view? Not without trying on all the tools. If I can use emotion to change someones opinion that is otherwise unchangeable, well then I'll use it. No matter what it makes me seem. For certain people, playing on their emotions is all that works. This doesn't mean you are tricking them, everything emotional I say is true. This is an issue that is full of emotions, they are there. And if they can be used, they should be. Use every tool you have available.

Writing this I keep feeling like I'm losing some sense of objective integrity. That doesn't make sense probably, but it does to me. I guess it's sad in a way that you can't just use arguments anymore. It's sad that there are people that require you use emotion in a debate. But that's the reality of the situation. And I'm not going to keep the status quo just because I'm too afraid to use every tool I've got.

{-+-}

It's amazing how many different forms of love there are. I have been so blessed this past year to have so many people love me, and more... to love so many people. Yet each love is so different in so many ways. It is sad that between some, we are forced to choose. It is sad that this society has made it so. It is sad that loving someone can be seen as wrong, as a crime. It is indeed very sad. For love, love is everything needed in life.

{-+-}

This is a post I made in a discussion thread about same-sex marriage. It seemed appropriate to put it here.

My ideal situation would be that the government stayed out of the marriage business all together. And the civil union business. To me, it's too personal, too important, too meaningful, too spiritual, for it to be bound by a written law, to be decided my government authorities. Seeing as I'm a fan of a small government, I simply don't see it as the governments place to give the title of Husband and Wife to people. I see that as the place of two individuals, to give each other that oh so meaningful title (or whatever deity, if that's your thing). But, unfortunately, that's not the way it is. The government will never give up it's right to give out the title of Husband and Wife. It will never give away it's right to proclaim whether two people are married or not. Considering that, I have to ask myself what can be done about the current situation, which I see as unacceptable.

I have a serious problem with the fact that two people, who love each other, can be denied the title of Husband and Wife, or Wife and Wife, or Husband and Husband. Other people have mentioned all the benefits that come from marriage, the technical benefits, like tax breaks and such. But for me, it is the value of being able to say "I'm married" and "This is my husband" that matters most. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't allowed to be a wife. Do I think that that is a choice that a majority has the right to decide? Absolutely not. This country is NOT a rule by majority. And this is an issue that I believe should not be decided by majority vote. I believe that because this is a civil rights issue. It's about fundamental rights, the right to love, the right to bind that love with the word Marriage. That's an important word. A word everyone in this nation has a right to, a claim to. This is a deeply emotional issue, but I'll try to address it as objectively as I can, though I won't pretend I can be truly objective. What we need to do is get rid of a biased, exclusionary, discriminatory definition of marriage that is prevalent thoughout these states. We must remove it if we want to continue to claim this is a country of equality, and of freedom.

There are many different "definitions" of marriage in this country. Everyone holds a slightly different one. The question becomes, what should this government hold? And how do we decide that. In my opinion, even those who view the only "true" definition of marriage to be that between a man and a woman, even those who think homosexuality is a sin, have a duty, a responsibility to vote for a definition that causes no harm to anyone. As voters of this nation, it is not our job to be moral police, it is not our job to prevent sin. Rather, as voters of this nation, it is our job to ensure the greatest freedom for EVERYone, as long as it doesn't infringe upon the rights of others. Tell me, how does a same-sex marriage infringe upon someones rights? How does it cause harm to anyone? You may see it as a sin, you may see it as disgusting, as dirty, but does it hurt you, does it limit your freedom? Unless you can answer yes to that question, I see it as your duty to allow same-sex marriage. Not to approve of it, but to allow it. This isn't a question of some "true" definition, because each of us has a different one; rather, this is a question of a definition of marriage that won't cause harm to anyone.

Unfortunately, the majority in this nation doesn't see things the way I do, don't see their duty the way I do. And so some rights are being denied to people. People are being denied the right to call themselves a wife, or a husband (along with hundreds upon hundreds of federal benefits). Therefore, this has become a civil rights issue. People are being discriminated against, therefore it's a civil rights issue. And since it is a civil rights issue, the courts now have every right, every responsibility, to make a decision on this issue. The have the responsibility to ensure that everyone in this nation has the same right to the title of Husband, and Wife.

Many terms have been redefined in order to ensure equality in this nation. It's time we redefine marriage once again, to ensure equality, to stop discrimination.

The Re-definition of Race in the US.
For quite a while in the US, if you had a single drop of “colored” blood, you were not considered white. Regardless of your skin-tone. The one-drop rule meant that if you had a single non-white ancestor, you were not considered white. At the time, this meant you were a second class citizen. Over time however, the lines of race were blurred, and moved altogether. Today, you race is dependant almost entirely on your skin tone, not your ancestry. This was more of a social change than a legal change, but it was a very significant one. Entire lives could be changed depending on the definition of white and black and multiracial. Yet our society changed the definition. These are not things set in stone. They can change. There is no absolute right definition.

The Re-definition of Citizen in the US.
Originally, in the United States, a citizen (meaning one who has the right to claim citizenship, and the rights that come along with it, including the right to vote) was defined as a white male. The definition then changed, so that a black male was considered 3/5 of a citizen. Later, the definition evolved once more so that a citizen was either a male, regardless of race. Even later, the definition evolved again so that a citizen included not only males but females as well. The definition of a US citizen has evolved through time. And never has this evolution occurred because of the will of the majority. This evolution has always occurred within the judiciary. The Courts were the ones to make this decision. Because, unfortunately, the majority cannot be trusted to hold equal rights for all, and it's never been given that right. Making sure everyone has equal rights, that none are being discriminated against has always been the job of the Judiciary.

The Re-definition of Marriage in the US.
In 1883, the state of Alabama declared that marriage was the union of a man and a woman of the same race, in Pace v. Alabama. Interracial marriage was legally seen as an oxymoron, because marriage, by definition, couldn't be interracial. The majority in this nation agreed with this decision. The majority in this nation didn't want a white boy marrying a black girl. It was dirty. It was a sin. Luckily, the Supreme Court didn't let the majority decide. Luckily, in 1967 the Supreme Court reversed it's decision. In the case of Loving v. Virginia the Supreme Court wisely declared that only allowing marriages between two people of the same race was violated the 14th Amendment. But it took 80 years. 80 years for the federal government to do anything.

It's time to continue this positive evolution of the term marriage. It's time to ensure that the term is used without discrimination. It's time to ensure that the definition of marriage cannot hurt anyone. Not to ensure that it's "correct", not to ensure we use the "true" definition. The government has never concerned itself with truth, not when everyone has a different idea of the true definition of a word is. Rather, the government should be concerned with the limitation of individual rights. In this case, the right to marry. The government should ensure that no one is being hurt, no one is being limited unnecessary. And the only time it is necessary to limit someone is if that limitation is needed to protect another person. But same-sex marriage doesn't harm anyone. It doesn't limit anyone's rights. Maybe some people think it's a sin. But ya know, some people still think interracial marriage is a sin. That's not a reason to not allow it. Sin or not, it doesn't hurt anyone, it doesn't limit anyone's rights, and so it should be legal. This isn't a question of MORALITY, it's a question of RIGHTS. The governments job is not to prevent immoral acts. Thats an individual's job, a family's job, a Church's job, God's job. Not the governments.

It's time our courts take one more step forward. It's time they stop this injustice. It's time we stop hiding behind an outdated definition of marriage. It's time people stop trying to be moral police. It's time this country takes one more step towards equality and freedom.

{-+-}

Steal. Vulnerability. Death. Pain. Grevince. These are things I've learned about. These are things I've seen. These are things I CANNOT accept. I cannot accept how out world treats the exceptional. I cannot except how much pain is caused to those who deserve nothing but love. There are few people in the world who are truly marvelous people. Very few. And these are the people we marginalize. These are the people we punish, we torture, we tease. These are the people who go home and cry about how mean this world is. About how horrible a place this world is. WHAT ARE WE DOING????

How could we, as a people, be so heartless. How can we, as a people, care so little about love. I am ANGRY. I will not put up with this. It is WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG. I am furious that a person I love and care about is being denied the basic affirmations of life. I am furious that a person I care about must hide, out of fear. And worse, accept that that is simply how the world works. I am furious that some people have to put up with such crap, such utter bullshit, while the undeserving get anything they want.

I have been so blessed. I have never had my rights taken away. I can work where I want, live where I want, marry who I want. Love who I want. I've been given money to go to school where I want. I've been given a bed to sleep in. I've been given food to eat. I've been given friends to talk to. I've been given a family to love. I've been given a man to love. I've been given shoulders to cry on. I've been given the freedom to disagree. I've been given the freedom to scream, SCREAM. Yet what have I done to deserve such things? Nothing. I've been a good little girl. I've followed rules. But I've done nothing noble, nothing exceptional. (This isn't meant to put down myself, don't read it that way).

And the people who have done exceptional things. The people who give, instead of given, those people are the ones we deny. Those people are the ones we say are unworthy. Those people are the ones we are scared of. We are scared of greatness in others. So we put it down. We smash it. We trample greatness, because we are afraid of not measuring up. We deny those most worthy everything they deserve, and give it to those who are unworthy. I AM SO ANGRY. I am fuming inside, and crying on the outside. Tears are running down my face, and fires are being lit within me. I will not put up with this any longer. I will not stand for this. I must do something, do something now.

I don't know what to do though. I cannot see what path to follow. I am angry, I want to cause change, but I don't know how. I've thought for a while I could do political change, but I've come to the realization that it's social change, not political change, that is needed now. Maybe I should do some social change. I'm thinking of telling this my story at school. I don't know if I'll get approval. I want to though, I think it would be good. Maybe I'll ask for approval at some point later. Because I need to do something. This cannot go on. We cannot keep doing this to people.

This is happening because people don't see. They ignore what they don't want to see, they put up shields and don't look beyond themselves. This is unacceptable though. Absolutely UNACCEPTABLE. I've never been this passionate in my life. I've never felt this way before about anything. I will not accept the status quo. I will not pale in the face of the battle before me. I will not accept that I cannot do any good. I WILL do good. I WILL fight. I WILL cause change. I WILL improve the situation. I WILL make this world, this nation, a better place for the exceptional people, the wonderful people, the people that deserve to be on top, to be followed, to be mentors. I WILL. My determination gives me hope. My inability and refusal to accept anything less than success gives me hope. My goals may not be reached in my day, but I will make a step, I will help others to make a step. I will not simply sit back and watch with tears in my eyes and in my heart. The tears will be there, but I will be doing something about them. I will be fixing things. I will be fighting. I have chosen my battle ground. I have chosen my side. It is the side of love, of friendship, of honor, of justice. I am ready to act. Because our current state SHALL NOT BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE.

{-+-}

There are so many things I don't know about. It continues to amaze me how much other people go through. I complain so much, especially to myself, about how shitty I've got things. About how I'm such a bad person, about all the crap I do. I know it's all my fault. But really, everything I've ever dealt with is trivial compared to the crap that other people must go through, have been forced to go through. Maybe it's wrong to compare challenges between two different people, but I can't help but think I don't know anything when it comes to hardships. I create hardships in my life, instead of realizing that I've got such a wonderful life. But enough about that.

It is amazing how strong people are in this world. The strength I can see in a person is absolutely amazing. I'm moved when I look at people, when I hear their story, and see how they still live their life. There are so many strong people in the world, SO MANY. And they are SO strong. They continue to deal with hardship after hardship. Yet instead of getting the recognition they deserve because of all the good they've done in the world, they get jealousy. All the people in the world are jealous of all the GOOD people. Why can't someone be good any people just love them for that? Is it so hard to love someone that you think has done great things, without wishing you were them? Without being envious? Jealous? Is it so hard to just LOVE someone for who they are and what they have done? I'm so proud of all the people in my life. I'm so proud of the people who I've become close to this past year. I'm so proud of myself for recognizing the goodness in them. I'm proud of myself for realizing that keeping good people around me doesn't diminish me, rather it inspires me to become greater myself. To stop all the deceit in my life. To stop all the attention grabbing. I'm getting there. I'm not there yet. I've made some major slip ups. But I know what I've done wrong, and I'm getting better. You people, all of the people that I was talking about, the strong, the good, you've helped me become someone I can love. Become someone I'm not ashamed of. Thank you for that. Know that you kind acts, your strength, you caring, it is appreciated. Even if I usually fail in saying anything, or in saying anything that caries the weight I'm feeling right now. I'm never felt so lucky in my life, to be surrounded by so many amazing people.

{-+-}

There's something enchanting about the darkness. Something that always makes things different, always a little off, intriguing. Yet it's comforting as well. There's something warm about the coldness of the dark, of the night. A chilling comfort. It hides you from the exposure of light, from the 'garish light of day'. The light, however beautiful and inspiring, exposes all your flaws. It shows everything, every beauty, and every mistake. But in the darkness, you can hide what you've done, the scars on yourself. You can hide, and be whoever you wish to be. You can become something different, in the dark, guided by the pale moon. The cold, pale moon, that can light a fire in your soul. Raised high above in glory and despair, where endless lights of knowledge twinkle in the pale dark. Thoughts abound, unchecked and held in stark contrast of the infinite, empty, blackness. Nothing holds you back. Nothing constricts you. There are no duties in the darkness, no responsibilities. Darkness gives you a freedom that you cannot get anywhere else. A freedom from yourself. From the world. From all the weights you know you'll have to face once the light breaks over the horizion. Once you see those golden rays on the water, it's like watching the weight come back into the world. It's like watching you dreams be pushed away.. pushed away by that light full of guile.

{-+-}

The heart has ways of knowing that the mind can never comprehend.

I haven't posted in a while. I haven't wanted to post anything superficial, and for a while, all my thoughts have been superficial. But not today.

It seems every couple of months all my views on everything change. Yet with every new change I'm sure it's absolutely right. And I think I've finally realized something. I always think I'm right because somewhere inside me, I already know everything. And I mean everything. It's all there inside. Which is why I always feel so secure about my knowledge. Basic Moral Intuition. Which is why I always know if something is right or wrong. I feel the answer. It's in my heart. It just takes some time for my mind to catch up. All the reasoning, all the questioning that I've gone through in the past three years, has really just been trying to find some way to reason out what I already know. And to understand what I know. I don't understand everything, but I know it. Just trying to find the words to describe what I feel. For in feelings there is truth, there is resolution. Thought just makes it usable. The essence is in feeling.

For quite a while I've objected to the thought of a Plan. Of Cosmic Order. Of Fate. Whatever you want to call it. And I've even found comfort in meaninglessness. Comfort in knowing nothing is Meant to happen. I'm not Meant to do anything. In that freedom I've found comfort. So in many ways, I've looked to the opposite of some great big order. Yet, at the same time, I've felt this fundamental connection to all things. Unity. Oneness. Wholeness. And so my mind has always felt conflicted. Because in all my readings, these two concepts have always been seen as conflicting. Everything can be connected if there is no order. You can't have Unity without a Plan. But I think that you CAN have Unity without a Plan. Things can be connected without being ordered. We can all be part of something, without being forced a certain way. We are all a part of something, so essence, but that isn't external from us. It's a part of us. It IS us. We are everything, we are connected, but we aren't Planned. This probably doesn't make sense. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the things that are really important, the big ideas, can never be expressed in words. To me, it's all in a tree. Written in that picture. I can't say it here in words. But somehow, it works. Connection without Order. Wholeness and Meaninglessness. That's what IS. And I like the idea. My hearts saying yes to what my mind is thinking.

How can we become more fully human and at the same time be saved from the fate of being merely human? Where is the Spirit in this God-forsaken, Goddess-forsaken world of modernity? Why are we destroying Gaia in the very attempt to improve our own condition? Why are so many attempts at salvation suicidal? How do we actually fit into this larger Kosmos? How are we whole individuals who are also parts of something Larger?

Can we not star into that vast and stunning Kosmos and respond with something more than oops?

In the Dark and the Deep there are truths that can always heal. It is not the forces of darkness but of shallowness that everywhere threaten the true, and the good, and the beautiful, and that ironically announce themselves as deep and profound. It is an exuberant and fearless shallowness that everywhere is the modern danger, the modern threat, and that everywhere nonetheless calls to us as savior.

We might have lost the Light and the Height; but more frightening, we have lost the Mystery and the Deep, the Emptiness and the Abyss and lost it in a world dedicated to surfaces and shadows, exteriors and shells, whose prophets lovingly exhort us to dive into the shallow end of the pool head first.

{-+-}

And this is my second political philosophy paper. Not nearly as good as the first. And I didn't finish it becuase class started and it was due. But I find it interesting.


The Grand Inquisitor expresses the view that what people really want in life is happiness, achieved through material means. People don't want freedom, honor, choice, or responsibility. They want food. They want peace. They want substance. People would prefer being a well fed, secure slave than a free person, with all the responsibility that comes with choice. The Grand Inquisitor goes so far to claim that if you love mankind, you won't make men be free. You will save them from their responsibility, provide everything they think they need to be happy, and control them completely. To the Grand Inquisitor, this is how to provide the masses with happiness.

This essay raises interesting questions about what people really want. Do people want happiness, or do they want freedom? Is happiness possible without freedom? And what is freedom worth, if it doesn't provide a path towards happiness? While it's easy in any discussion to race about the wonders of freedom, the general view of freedoms place in society may not be a realistic one. Throughout history, politicians and philosophers have claim that freedom is a necessity of life, and that people want freedom. But is that really what people want? Just look at some recent events in American politics. The war on terror has made people scared, they don't feel secure, and so they are giving the government more and more power so they can be protected. Look at the American economy. We've got a mixed economy, where we give the government control over our economic freedoms, so that we can be ensured a basic standard of living. We give up our freedoms for bread. And our economy is one of the freest economies in the world. It's in my own life as well. One of the reasons I came to Webb is because I didn't have to deal with the responsibility of choosing a major, and choosing classes. I gave up freedom in my academic career in order to avoid choice. This is something that occurs over and over again in society. But is it what people want? Who can really make this judgment? People scream and yell over their right to freedom, but when it comes down to action, people choose peace, and possessions, over freedom on a regular basis. And who’s to say whether this is a right choice or not?

It sounds noble to say you fight for freedom, and I know the ideals of freedom appeal to me immensely. But what is freedom worth? What's the point of being free? This is not an easy question to answer, yet it seems that freedom is necessary to make life meaningful. Because what's the point of living a life, however happy, if you aren't free? If you aren't making any choices, can you consider your life your own? I believe that in order for life to have any meaning, any value, it must be a free life. Because a slave, a true slave, isn't really a human in any important way. They are a machine that does what they are told to do, is happy when they are told to be happy, and is sad when they are told to be sad. Freedom is what lets a person be a person, makes them unique, because each person will make their own, personal choices. It's our freedom to choose that gives us our humanity. So while the Inquisitor might be correct that people don't always want freedom, but that doesn't mean that if we love them we should save them from their own freedom. For saving someone from their freedom is the same as denying them their humanity, their value.

{-+-}

This is why I love Harry Potter. It makes you think about things that you never would otherwise, yet once you do you realise how important they are in history, and in today's society. The though that's in my mind: voluntary slavery.

It's easy to say slavery is absolutely wrong, it today's society. From a purely theoretical issues, it's the most obvious thing in the world. Slavery is an absolute moral and ethical wrong, and anything any everything should be done to stop it. These are easy things to say. It's easy to condemn slave holders as well. Who doesn't, now a days? I know I've thought about how they're all really just evil people, and that society has progressed past that point, that we've changed, and are inherently good people now, completely different than 150 years ago. But I shouldn't judge them like that. Because I can't understand them. I don't know what it was like. And you cannot judge without understanding. It's comfortable to say slavery is wrong. You know that no one will disagree with you. It's what we've all been taught from day one of our lives. To me, slavery is unnatural and evil. It has always been that way and will always be that way. It's natural for me to condemn it, and to condemn anyone who allowed it to exist, especially those who fostered it's existance. That's natural for me.

But what if it wasn't? What if I grew up in an era where slavery was natural? Where it went against my instincts to say slavery is wrong? Where if I made such a claim, not only would I feel ostracized from everyone around me, and be completely excluded from and shunned by society, but it would feel wrong to me? What if it was going against everything I knew, and everything I was taught, to condemn slavery? That's a thing I could never imagine. I could never imagine slavery being comfortable. That is, I could never imagine. Thanks to J.K. Rowling, now I can and do imagine it. And it scares the shit out of me. Because I don't know what I would do.

Think I'm being crazy? Think I'm exposing the bigot inside of myself, that's been hiding there all along? Think this is a reflection of my southern raising? Ask yourself, when you were reading Goblet, did you think Hermione was being annoying. Did you think, well, maybe she's right, but why make such a big deal of it? Didn't Harry's responses to S.P.E.W. seemed reasonable? I'd be lying if I say I didn't. I completely sympathize with Harry. The house elves don't want to be free. You shouldn't force freedom on them. And it's such a pain. It's not hurting anyone to enslave house elves. It's in their nature to serve wizards. I get what Harry is saying completely. I understand it. It's probably what I would think. And that scares the crap out of me. Absolutely scares the crap out of me. Because I'm saying a form of slavery is OK. Maybe not preferable, maybe it would be better if they weren't enslaved, but there enslavement isn't all that bad.

But what do you do when people want to be enslaved? Hagrid's got a point when he says that it would be doing them a disservice to free them. It is an insult to their character. They don't want to be free, except for the rogue weirdo like Dobby. It's ignored a lot that a significant amount of American slaves wanted to be slaves. They felt it was their position in life, and it was wrong to put themselves in any other position. Yet, we like to say, looking back all high-and-mighty-like, that they were brainwashed. But what if someone truly enjoyed slavery? Who are we to say that that happiness is articifical and meaningless just because they don't have freedom? Ya know, maybe they've got things figured out. Maybe it is the most pleasing, most fulfilling life. To be taking care of others, making sure they have what they need. And to be taken care of yourselves. Never forget, when thinking on slavery, that the slaves are taken care of. The house elves are given food, given shelter, and anything else they needed to survive. It is much the same with American slaves as well. They were provided for in many ways that they could never of done on their own. Granted, it is the slaves that brought in the profit that allowed the slaveover to take care of them. But certain things would never of been accomplished without the symbiotic relationship between the slave and slaveowner. The house elves need wizards. And wizards need the house elves. And we call this unnatural? Why am I comfortable with slavery when it is presented in a fictional context and completely appalled with it when it is presented as history? And don't say it's because I know one is fiction. Because fictional characters mean so much more to me than historical ones. Dobby's plight touched my heart more than any story of an American slave has. Yet I find it alright to have a character that I care so much about, that touches me so much, to be enslaved. Why? Because they want it. But does that make it right?

Can you force freedom on someone? Is freedom the right thing for everyone? In American society, it's just an unquestionable thing that freedom is good (at least when people use those terms). It's the founding principle of this nation, and it's embedded in the souls of all Americans. At least, it's embedded in my soul, and that's naturally how I judge all Americans. But what is the point of freedom? I've always thought freedom was a necessity of happiness. You couldn't be really happy without freedom. But what if you could? What if freedom is just one path to happiness? Isn't it possible that serving others is another way? The house elves don't view themselves as enslaved. They think they are serving others. Who are we to call that enslavement, with all the negative connotations that comes with it? Yet, who are we to control the lives of other living beings, absolutely and completely. Do people have the freedom to choose not to be free? Is it not tyranny to force freedom onto people? Or is it just forcing people to take responsibility for their actions?

I don't have any answers for these questions. They are simply in my head, seemingly impossible to resolve. And while thinking about them, I'm forcing myself to think about the house elves. Because I'm comfortable with their enslavement. It seems alright, okay. And I know that that is the situation in which you need to most ask these questions. Because then they are easy, theoretical questions. They are real questions, with real implications (cause house elves are real!!!). And they are hard questions to ask.

You may be wondering why these questions matter. That our society has already solved these questions, one way or another. But these are extremely relevant questions in todays society. Just look at the trend to give up our liberties for greater security. It's everywhere these days. And it's the same essential debate. People giving up their freedoms, because they want to. It allows them to have more security, feel safer in their lives. Should people be allowed to do this? Should people be allowed to give away their freedom? (Their freedom, not everyones freedom). That's such an odd question, in so many ways. I wish I knew the answer.

{-+-}